I'm going country styleeee... Got so many things on my WANTS list <- note: it is wants. Yeah and I'm gonna complete my building fund soon! =D
I made up my mind to clear all my debts first before I think about even shopping. Let's see... Rexaz fund: $70!!! O.M.G!! and Cellgroup fund: $10 (gou wei please give me some grace time >.< ) Oh, and school fees, gotta tell my mummy. Due in May. Shucks, so many things to pay up.
Talking about mummy, she's bringing the family to Japan during the September holidays. I'm happy yeah, but in a way, I'm rather worried because that's really alot of money we're gonna spent. Recently, we've been spending alot ar.. =/ Guess most of it is to please my elder brother. Sigh...I'm thinking of taking up a job again but looking at my schedule, it's gonna take up whatever free time I have. I will be such a busy woman. And there's lots of things to consider too...
Sigh, I have great dreams of bring him back to Christ, and not only him, but my parents. But somehow, I feel so alone in my mission. And I still have to juggle other people's lives too. I dun wanna let me be the cause of people slipping away because of my busyness. God please help me. I'm in a new phase of life. I wanna do so much! And I can do it!!!! RAHH!!! =D

Labels: family times, God

What a relief to let it all out! I know what I got to do roughly and I'm happier now cause I can move on. It's like a fresh lease in life. =)

I love everyone, you, you, you and YOU!

Yeah and all my muscles are aching so badly. Haha, it's been long since I felt that way. I like. Hahaha. I wanna tumble more! So fun...But first, I need to get all the guards. Lol.

Thank You Abba Father! You are the truth, the way and the light! Sigh.... =)

Labels: cheer, moving on

I should say I have problem forgiving and forgetting. It's hard. I can't enjoy myself fully and talk openly. Pastor once said, a friendship is broken once the trust is gone. Trust takes so long to build up but can be severed with a word or action. People are not perfect. They hurt you and disappoint, and they don't understand you fully. But God says to keep your trust and faith in Him, for He does not lie and He's a good God. I learnt to lift up my burdens and cried out to Him. When you're really just sad, tell God, 'I'm just sad'. His presence was overwhelming. His love overcomes all else.

Had real bad gastritis yesterday and still having random sharp pains. I was shivering and feverish. I just feel like throwing my laptop down, and sit on the pavement. Thank God I didn't roll down the overhead bridge. Haha, thinking back, people probably see a pair of chopsticks swaying to and fro in the dark. And then.........reaching home...I went straight to bed without BATHING! Muahaha. I confess, sometimes I got rather lazy to bathe at night. Like how I'm feeling right now. Haha.

To you, I shall only say, you are unique. You can't really be me. And I, you.

This is my life.

Labels: God, sick

Sometimes, I got so upset when people ain't appreciative. For all my work, I wasn't recognized and was criticized too. All people see are the faults and they pin-point it. I was angry, cause why do you criticized when you weren't there, to help me? Do you know what I did or do you understand my difficulties? Well, at least I know, I did tried hard and my best. And I know that there's truly some nice people in the world who appreciates and loves me. The most down to earth belief I had kept since I found God, doubt God, and found God again, was a simplicity in the heart (which most people think is retarded and ku-ku anyway). And yesterday message strengthen my belief.

As a child, I wasn't very confident. I was ashamed of myself, I'm not pretty, had buck tooth, ain't smart, ain't well-mannered, wasn't likable..I had no friends. People laughed at me. Even my family criticize me. I remember, once at a wedding dinner, I felt good. I had my hair done nicely and I wore a nice dress. I was happy and when the food came, I dived for the food. My mom immediately said aloud, Can't I behave myself? Why can't I behave like my beautiful younger cousin? See! she's like a princess, people say she's a princess. What about you?
I remembered how I turned to look at my younger cousin seated at another table further down and I remembered how I turned back and look at the shocked faces of my older cousins. I was so ashamed. I put down my chopsticks and bowed my head quietly, eating whatever was put on my plate. I knew then that I was no princess and no one likes me, cause I'm ugly and scrawny.
It was hard for me through primary school and secondary school. I got no friends, I cried everyday on my bed. I was sensitive to whatever was said about me. I was a captive to Words. Even now. That's why I place an emphasis on the words I say to people. Words means alot to me. Encouragements means alot to me. You might not know how important the things you said to me are. And the effect they had on me.
Then I found God, and God found me my first best friend, Geraldine Foo. Together we bought April and I paid dearly for it. I received my first real birthday present from her. She dragged me into a store and bought me two tops costing $30 each. No one ever did that, and I was really dumbfounded all the way. On my birthday itself, I treat my first friend a meal at seoul garden in Woodlands, then tried to study Social Studies for our Prelims at the Civic Center Library to no avail. =) I celebrate my 16th birthday with a friend. And she is the greatest friend I ever met. I learnt to love myself when I'm 16.
The past may still bog me down but I'm trying to be a happy person. A cheerful person. To the people I love and want you to love me back,I'm childish sometimes, behaving like a child, I could appear spoilt, wanting for attention and whining. Cause I wanted what I didn't have when I was young. I'm still a learning person, trying to grow up :)

By the grace of God, I've come far. And you know what, I think I look good now. Haha!

Labels: God, memories

Okay so I'm feeling pretty sick at the moment. Terribly weak. My hands and knees are still shaking and I'm looking pale. For the first time I had nice light pink lips. Nearly fainted in the kitchen. Thank God I squatted down in time and closed my eyes.
I got very very soft hands, lol, and thin skin. I was helping my mom to mop the floor, and after a while I realise my skin was sliced off from my finger, think due to the friction. Its like sashimi. Slice so nicely and thinly. Gosh, it hurts la. I immediately stop mopping and went to cut away the peeling skin. My hands were trembling already when I cut off the skin. I don't know where I got my courage from. Perhaps I don't wanna show my weakness in front of my mom, so I kept quiet, applied antiseptic myself and put a plaster. I was fumbling very badly then, was dizzy and vision turning dark. I snapped the first aid kit shut and immediately squatted down and close my eyes. I don't know what set me off, maybe it's the pain.
Haha, those who knows me will know I freak out at blood and pain. I kicked Iggy and cried like mad when he tried to apply antiseptic on my toe when I cut it at a pasar malam.
My mommy says I need to wear a glove when I do housework next time -.- like so weak and useless like that ehh, mop floor also can injured.

And I wanna proclaim, I can fly
not because I'm just skinny and light.

Labels: cheer, sick

It's that dreaded time of the month. Argh. I'm dying from cramps. Later there's a performance, worst still. Cries. This week is so pretty stressed up too. Gosh, not a good week. And I'm going to brave the smell of durians! Prepare for my first baking disaster! Hope nothing explodes...




Oh ew. Disgusting, just looking at it makes me wanna puke. =x I need courage.

Labels: sick

I think I should ban myself from going online. I'm so addicted to online shopping can. Gosh, there's 101 things for me to buy. If only I have the capital too. Haha..a shopping capital. I should set aside an amount just for that.

I'm freezing in class and I'm so hungry and I'm not able to shop with a happy ending >=(

Labels: random

Well, it's been 3 years since I first befriend you
and nearly a year since things sparks off.
It's a great relief to let it all out.
A prayer over our lifes, and the blessings,
make it so final- like this is it!
All of a sudden I feel so shy,
I don't dare to look into your eyes...
as if it's the first time I'm seeing you.

Labels: love-d

To my beloved too:

Sometimes in life, don't take things too seriously. =) The world is a funny place, sometimes you feel like no1 understands you. The things that you know are wrong and doesn't like, people could think the opposite. It's hard to make real friends. But real friends are not define by the time we spent together and the laughter we had. It's defined by an inner trust and understanding in each other. This I'm sure we have. We understand each other so well. You are forever my straight forward talking friend. Our differences could piss each other off sometimes, but you know that we will trash it out and forget it soon. There's always a humourous side to see in all our quarrels. =P Words are complicated. Especially when we cant hear or see each other personally. It could be misunderstood. So be careful what we say online, a new lesson we learnt together. With God, our life continues down the road. As long as we stay on it, we will never seperate.

Stole some photos from Jimmy's website.

Wah Ping Pong eh.....take photo with me got so disgusting meh? that's my lil bro anyway.

The 2008 version of e269 acting cute. Jimmy, the most talented one, was the photographer. Aha.

Labels: E269

I'm craving for Ikea's Swedish meatballs and smoke salmon, ya Geraldine? Haha. One day, I will EAT them!

So today was actually off day from school. But returned for FYP. Gosh, supposedly was to meet at 9am and guess what? My team members turned up only after 10:42AM. That's nearly 2 hours difference okay. Argh! And I stay all the way in Pasir Ris. I had to wake up at 6.30am. They stay in Yishun, Woodlands! How nice is that eh? Not like it's the first time. I wasn't inform when a meeting was shifted to 2pm one day, so there I was like an idiot waiting alone in Yishun MRT at 11am. I got so pissed I left immediately and went to school to help in Orientation games. And I cried then. And I cried later again that day for some reason. Such a bad day it was, that day. I made up my mind today that I will always come an 1 hour later than the set time. How to trust them la..

But at least FYP was fruitful today. I accomplished more drawings today than I had ever since the start of FYP meetings in march. And the standard was better still ahah.

Some pictures of April favourite sleeping spots:

Labels: April Baby

I'm down with fever =( I've been at it 3 days already, ever since Sunday and start of school. Feel so horrible. Perhaps it's my thinking too much that triggered it.
Anyway, school was great and fun. Love the peeps in my class and I'm loving Mr Edward Wong too!! If you guys remember, he's my most hated advisor. I fumed about him over my PP comments last time. Arh wells... I got a quick temper but! fast to forgive, may I add in. =)
Yesterday was his class and the problem of the day is: What is your mission statement? Hahaha. And the first time that came into my mind was 'to build a church with strong spiritual atmosphere and purity........' Haha. So I was thinking what is my mission statement and after a while, I said 'loving people fervently' I omitted the first part la to avoid a debate in my class. And yup, I told the class how being Asian and a Chinese, my family never much expressed their love in words but through actions that we do not see. And people are very relational, we're made for relationships.. so I continued on saying, I dun like loneliness and not that anyone would like it too. So I make it a point to love people, be nice and smiley, no matter how weird they are. Cause I know how it feels like to be lonely and when you got no friends and nobody likes you.
So then, since I never had a mission statement in my life, I decided that that will be my mission statement. =)

Labels: deep thoughts, sick

_______ don't exaggerate and tell half truths about you to people around them, to make themselves look better and spoil your reputation.
_______ don't make the things that happen and the busy lifestyle they have, excuses to complain and shoot you down.

Somehow, this _______ seems to have turn into one of envy and competition. I feel you pitting against me, trying to be prove me under you and lousy. I guess that's where all the free time people assume I have, come from. I've kept so many sore feelings to myself and throw them away, forgetting. But still there are things you kept hidden, waiting for me to find out.

Found.

Each time I get even more confuse. You make me feel so lousy, I wanna tell you. That's all my confidence you're stealing from me. It's not nice.

Can you tell me, hug me, look me in the eye, and say truely, you are my........friend.

Labels: disappointed