Everyone have their fair share of hurts and disappointments. Some may think theirs worst than another. But in the end, what people went through, you'll never fully grasp til you're in their shoe.
I never really face my disappointments honestly. I've always tell myself, 'It's okay la. Never mind. Move on.' Keep it all inside my heart. Maybe I dun look like it. I laugh loud, talk loud, get excited and chatter along.... You might think, I've got so many friends! I got a boyfriend! I got so many people to talk to and have fun.' So? Does that mean anything? Does whatever possessions I have determines my character and my personality? Always see beyond somebody. Discernment. I always like to observe deep into someone. Recently, I built a wall around myself, shutting myself in, try to be cold and quiet to those around me...I'm sorry to say that, my dearest cellgroup members and Iggy get to see my aloofness. I thought I could be myself, no need to put up a strong front, no need to be so spiritual. Just myself. Cause anyway, that's what I thought cell is for =) to help and encourage each other, plant you down in God strong.
I remember Pastor talking about silent vows. Vowing to be not like someone who disappoints you. Like an abusive dad, or a mum, or uncle..whoever. I vowed not to be like my mum. Dun wanna elaborate.Words hurts. And I dealt hurtful words out too. And I think Iggy got the worst deal of it. God brought to my remembrance yesterday about silent vows. And I realise I'm just following in the footsteps I vowed not to be in. The truth is, I've still not get over the hurts and disappointments in my life with regards to my mum and now I'm just following her, going in one big circle.
Anyway, ya yesterday was about facing your hurts and disappointments openly. Dun deny it. And bury it. Dun tell yourself 'forget it'. Say it. Okay.....I've not accomplished whatever I'm saying now. Hippopotamus. But ya, so if anyone comes to you to tell you a problem in life, he/she doesn't need a solution, doesn't need people to tell him what to do. He/she would probably know what to do, if he/she wants to. He/she just want someone to listen to.
P.S Like said, blogging is a way to express your anger cause no1 got the time to listen. Not for me..just that writing is a way to express myself, cause I dunno how to share my problems face to face. I'm good in written words. Apparently, I felt I'm too far behind, I never had the time for and you've found better friends. Moving on fast. Perhaps you've nv bothered and cared. Why can't you be the one stepping out to ask? I'm not going try anymore. So ya, I came to realise from whatever I've seen and heard, that I can't expect anything from you. Because time and again, no matter how many times I said, you're still the same. I really got nothing much to say now. My hurts and disappointments are not dealt with yet I realise, after writing this. But...I dunno...I need God to tell me.
P.P.S My relationship with my mum is great now of course. =) I love my family.

P.P.P.S haha..hold on, dun so easily assume that I'm talking about anyone of you reading this okay.

Labels: deep thoughts, memories