Monday, March 26, 2007
I remember the times, when I first joined usher. All the things we did together. How I was so inspired, so motivated, so on fire. Along the way, some left and lost contact. We were shuffled and went our seperate ways. We talked less. The greatest bunch of people I ever met. Who put me on the right track. Oh! How I miss them! =(
♪**** :: says:
i miss happi jo
can u do me a favour
?
Jo` says:
?
♪**** :: says:
help me find some1
Jo` says:
who?
♪**** :: says:
she haf a dog
calld april
she likes to talk loudly
lauf loudli
smilin n happi
♪**** :: says:
help me find the happi n cheerful n joyous JO!!!
I won't forget :) I'll find my way back, I promise.
Labels: determine
Friday, March 23, 2007
His presence was so strong. Prophesy, prophesy! Prophesy to the dry bones! :)
Sometimes I struggle so hard to stay afloat, to forget the hurts and the past. I believed I'm healed, that I can do it. Each time I fall again. I've not truely forgiven, not truely forgotten. I was so sick, I was so tired. I'm just not happy and I can't believe in myself. I wondered why me? What did you guys see in me? I felt so inadequate, like nothing. Lousy, unworthy. Too young. Whatever. I'm sick of pretending. Pretending I'm happy, I'm great, I'm fine. Anything. I just don't feel appreciated. So unloved and unwanted. Lost the passion. Just so numb. This is going in one big circle! Again and again. But each time, Jo`, remember to stand up again. You're gonna curb this.
I just need a strong tight hug too, tell me you love me :)Labels: deep thoughts, God
Thursday, March 22, 2007
My bosses are nice :) I love working there. And I'm so tempted to buy the bags that we are selling please! Oh man....I want my pay! Hahaha.
I remember my daddy entered my room last night, while I'm half asleep. Stroked my hair and exclaimed, "Wah! Hair's so wet!". Being too sleepy to even reply properly, dun say get up and dry my hair, my daddy sat on the edge of my hair and blowed my hair. And I woke up this morning and saw that my mummy had prepared bread for me to bring to work and filled my water bottle too. During her lunch break, she bought lunch and mango dessert for me down to my pushcart. (she work in Raffles too). Sigh................ I love my mummy and daddy <3 and I love April too! I missed her so much! *squeeze her* No, she's not dead. I just miss her. Haha. Okay. Fine. Bye! :)
Labels: April Baby, happy, love-d
Monday, March 19, 2007
It was like a word in season- for me. I nearly gave up. I wanted to. But no, gotta trust on. Find back the passion. He put all things right in the end. God is good and I love Him so. And I still love them too. =)
Pray................................er works wonder. Breakthrough. Revival. Yeah!Well, I had an overflow of jobs. Remember Sakae Sushi? After so long, they called me! Too bad I got another job now and besides it will clashed with my schedule what with Emerge coming up. Whee. Emerge. I'm so excited! So yeah, I told them and praise God, they said they will reschedule me after June then. No more jobs call me please. I'm very blessed. Hahaha. And I'm gonna start work tomorrow with a cranky mood. Shyucks! Pain pain go away. And I'm still not sleeping. Hurhur.
Labels: God, motivated
Friday, March 16, 2007
Let me recount what's been going on the past few days. It's certainly more than rolling around at home.
Haha.
Tuesday- supposedly there should be a cell outing at Mind's cafe but more than half could not make it and in the end, went out with Gabriel and Rena to shop around. Alas, I'm extremely broke at the moment and it was just some wistful window shopping before we settled down at Starbucks and just talked the night away. It was a nice and different feeling, just the 3 of us, sharing and playing a truth game (apparently there's no dare). Took a bus back home together and long journey it was. They made my day =) *hugs*
Wednesday- woke up with no plans for the day. So I went job hunting online and sent out countless resumes. A mini praying meeting at 4 in my house and
woah, after the PM, I got 3 replies asking me down for an interview the next day. It's not even say, 6 hours?
PTL!
Hahaha.
Today- woke up early to prepare for the interviews. And so my first interview went successfully and I'm starting work on Monday!
Yayness!! God knows I'm so in need of cash.
Haha. I seem to have an affinity with pushcarts and selling bags though. It's like my previous job. So the 2
nd interview was at this place called CHINATOWN PLAZA. I'm like melting in the sun, searching all over Chinatown for that place only to realise that this CHINATOWN PLAZA is situated near
Tanjong Pagar -.- Cry with me. Well, so anyway it's a
wine shop and if I'm shortlisted then I'll start work somewhere next week too. But I have a confirmed job now thank God, so I dun really care about the 2nd one. Haha. I'm so looking forward to today's cell. The End :)
Labels: random
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Yeah!! I did it! I broke my record! 3 times a day!
Woohoo...I dunno what's there to be happy and cheer about anyway. I came here with a purpose to say I failed my cooking once again! Sigh... The rice I cooked turned out to be more porridge than normal and it's even worse than the previous one. Cries...Someone just shoot me. Better still, I wrongly estimated the cups of rice, end up there's enough rice for 2 person when there's 3. Sad right? So lousy :(
Labels: emo-ing, moody
Ugh! I'm rotting at home. I was kind of looking forward to the prayer meeting at my house but then it was cancelled last minute. Sadded :(
Oh well, hahaha..So I spent my day pigging and reading. I just ate and is still eating for there's nothing to do! And to stop myself eating the whole packet of shaved ham, I turn to blogging. For the second time in a day. So far, I've resisted from writing 3 times a day. I think this journal is more of like my MSN partner now. Talk to myself here. Hahaha.
I know the things in here is getting rather superfical. But I guess I just dunno how to put the thoughts and stuff into words. Or maybe, I know there's people reading. Blah. Let this be an outlet for my boredom then.
This is still boring....I think I go eat some tarts now. Hee X)
Labels: random
I look kind of pathetic with that bruise on my cheek. I dunno how it got there and it looks as if someone had beaten me up.
I was looking at one old wedding photo of my mum and dad and I thought my daddy looks like Norbit! Hahaha. He was so black last time with tt enormous specs and big hairdo. But my mum is nothing like that erm, I dunno that big woman's name. Hoho, she looked so sweet....Nah, I'm at the old place where emo-ing walks hand in hand with blogging.
Well, one thing just add upon another and another and I sort of exploded. Tired enough as it is, and not just phyiscally, feeling so dry and all...and I just can't be bothered then. Feel like the whole world is collasping. I'm so a 10 minutes person. I doubt that's even the threashing floor, haha. Keep praying Jo` God will be and is always there. I need to find back the passion.
*Sings Revival* I feel so at peace when I woke up. Didn't got to sleep much before that but seek Him first and you know the rest. Good hair day and thank God for normal eyes. Hahahaha...I gonna eat the lunch my daddy cook! Woooo...byebye!
Labels: random
Monday, March 12, 2007
I'm so tired....Everything is going so wrong and dry and no, it isn't crankiness. I know I need You. I need a revival myself. I need to pray.
You know I need You.Labels: God, tired
I'm broken (literally). Feel kind of boneless. And
orhbakas all over. Woke up earlier than I should this morning. 9.50am!! And dragged myself to do the laundry and change the bedspreads. Bath the dog and was
bitten all over. The reason for my on/off
crankiness came partly from
rabies so dun come near me.
Haaa.. I'm just joking! My dog's safe and mad. She's sleeping like a sausage beside me. And this is so random. I'm going shopping!!
Labels: cheer, random
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves. who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
I needed to return unto the alter of my God
and renew again my
covenant with Him.
Labels: determine, God
Friday, March 09, 2007
Let me cry, let me wail, let me
emo to my heart's content.
Sigh....
Do I make the cut? Can I make the cut?
The roles and
responsibilities, the expectations and trust.
I'm sorry I find it hard to believe in myself.
I dun understand the rational behind His goodness and grace.
I really dun. What have I done?
For the me with all my imperfections,
For the me who often dun know what to say and makes mistakes.
For the me that cries when a stranger's child is hurt,
For the me who's too weak to say NO.
For the me who can be sad without having a reason to be,
For the me even when I'm unreasonable.
I wish I could be more strong.
I wish I could have more faith.
I wish I would not be
afraid.
I wish I could believe in myself and I'm sorry I find it hard.
I wish I wish
ALOT of things.
Would you still love me for me?
For the me true and true
.
I wonder, what am I in all your eyes?
A subject with subjects, fun to discuss and poke? A form of entertainment to occupy your time?
It went too far. It's always me. I do feel even if I laugh it off. All that false facade.Labels: disappointed, feeling down
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Dinner was so bad, I had to get it out. Now I feel strangely empty and floaty. I promised I'll pick up cooking myself. I still had the taste in my mouth. *pukes*
I saw this other version of
Psalm 23:
The Lord is my programmer, I shall not crash.
He installed his software on the hard disk of my heart;
all His commands are user-friendly. His directory guides me to the right choices for HIs name's sake.
Even though I scroll through the problems of life,
I will fear no bugs, for He is my backup.
His password protects me.
He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies.
His help is only a keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life
and my file will be merged with His and saved forever.
Amen
Haha.
I'm so free I can spam my own blog several times a day if I had not restrained myself. Besides when all you do is stone and slack at home, what's there to write about. Well, I ate half a container of pineapple tarts today ya. Haha. Boring. Byebye!
Labels: God, random
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
We were strangers to start out,
never thought we would come this far.
Unexpected, what you did to my heart.
Sometimes I wonder, I marvel
at how all this began.
The way God arranged things such as it is,
it's unfathomable. Life
unpredictability,
it's better than what i imagine.
Tell me it's not just a dream,
or a lie. I'm so afriad.
For surely,
和你的每一天
对我的好
不知不觉的我
慢慢爱上你
For surely,
和你的每一天
希望是永远
You stole my heart away.
Labels: confused
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
- What has a person done to deserve the creditablity for the doubt in your heart? Couldn't there be other possibilties? Why think the worst? It's not being naive. It's not being saintly. I just want to believe.
- Being a leader is never too easy. It requires tremendous faith to do the things a leader does, even more for the things he does. And its something I my ownself have not overcome.
- It's not all about being accountable, it's also about learning to open yourself up.
- Just like how Abraham took those steps of faith, to let go and let God, I need to do so and moved on. Thinking about it, moving on is not only about moving on on the insides but perhaps physically too. I guess I only start moving on when I left Coral. And now am still in the process. It could be long and painful but eventually it will tide over, leaving perhaps some scars. But are you really going to let a failed relationship stop you from going out into the world once more and unleash your potential? To let God greater goodness and blessings come to you? I guess I need to remind myself.
- I'm just sorting some thoughts out or it'll get a little disorganized up there in my head.
- Please Jo. Dun just talk the talk but walk the walk.
- I've been having headaches on and off for a few days already. Had a nightmare. Got some tumors or stuff in my brain or something. Hurhur. It's just a DREAM.
Labels: deep thoughts, God
Sunday, March 04, 2007
I'm so so tired. Although it is the school break currently, I still feel that I need more sleep!
Haaa...no la. I think I just can't get used to waking up early now that it's holidays. So having to rise early in the morning the past two days didn't really go well with me. Haha.
And I nearly killed myself. It was traumatizing. I think I'll stick to my normal swimming pool.
I'm feeling rather hungry now. Heh.
Labels: tired
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Current song: Knife
I'm at the same old place, loving that willowy tree, the big field and the
cascading rain. So is my dog. I love the rain pattering in. Alas, but my whole table is getting wet.
Haha. Who cares. The song is so sad. Cries..
Current song: 梦里花
READ! It's not jasmine flower or mo
li hua as I thought too at first.
Haha. I collected my O level certificate yesterday finally! (and reason for my
emo-
ing in the wee hours today morning). I know it's so long ago news la but then there are people who haven collected when I went yesterday I notice. Well, that's my 4e4.
Haha.
Current song: 你的肩膀
I really dunno what am I doing, posting the songs that are currently playing in my laptop. But I got nothing better to anyway. Just flowing with the spirit. Inspiration as it comes. Haha. Oh! And so, before I collected my O level cert, I went job hunting with
Jac yesterday at downtown east. Weird place to hunt but she saw an ad on that very morning that states WWW and Escape is hiring. I was in
lalaland when she called but
nvm. So we met up that day and alas, when we reached there, they told us they only want full-timers. So we thought wasted trip. We
didn't give up really though. We bought newspapers, search and called unsuccessfully through bubble tea and fries. Then we walked around for
abit and step into
Sakae Sushi when we walked past and ask whether they're hiring. And yeah, so that's it. Dunno whether we'll be really hired or not although, the manager seems to make it like we were...explaining all the rules and
CPF, what she likes and dun likes,
ALOT. She seems pretty nice too. Not a bad place. It's quite near my house too. I need something to occupy me during this long hols.
Rahh, my back's aching. Old already.
Haaa. It's perfect condition for an afternoon nap. Bask in the
holidays people!
Byeee!
Labels: April Baby, emo-ing