I miss him playing the guitar,
singing together,
worshipping God together.
The guitar hangs dead on a wall now,
collecting dust and rust.
Not a chord strum.
Not a song for our God.

Labels: feeling down, God, memories

Can't believe I woke up so early. My bum bum's hurting. Woo. Tumbling. Cartwheel like shyt. Handstand..hmmm, not bad and yeah, I accidently bridge over a few times. Haha. Fun fun though. One thing I learnt, don't be afriad to fall, literally! Fear impedes you from doing your best and you will not discover your abilties if you never try. Like me, I didn't expect myself to do a handstand- on my own! No matter how lousy. But I feel at least I achieve something today haha. And I lost like 1kg can. That's sad. Plus the shoes, it's only a pathetic 37.5 kg. Argh!
Btw, Coach tagged me! Just nice, my birthday coming. Lol.

List out your top 5 birthday presents that you wish for:
1. a more bold, passionate and on fire me
2. stable class next semester >.<>. Asking me to punch her to teach me how to use force in dance.
5. (The most memorable words he/she had said to you)
- Lock!
6. (If he/she becomes your lover, you will..)
- Er....she said she's straight.
7. (If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be…)
- I dunno how to answer leh.
8. (If he/she becomes your enemy, you will…)
- It'll be a scary life for me.
9. (If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be …)
- Erm.
10. (The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is …)
- Buy her towel.
11. (Your overall impression of him/her is …)
- Fun, fun, fun and strong.
12. (How you think people around you will feel about you?)
- Kid
13. (The character you love of yourself is …)
- Can't stay angry for long
14. (On the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are …)
- Get angry easily.
15. (The most ideal person you want to be is …)
- Hmm. =)
16. (For people that care and like you, say something to them ..)
- I always love you guys for loving me through all my tantrums and moodiness and childishness.
17. (Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you)
- Patrick
- Rena
- Jon
- JR
- Karen
- Dine
- Coach
- Vann
- I can't think of anymore. Whoever wants to do just tag me la. Haha.
- Not compulsary.

There's more questions. But I can't finish it. I'm gonna have kway chap for breakfast. Bye bye.

Labels: cheer

Hoho. I realized I haven't been writing for a quite a while. Forsaken this place for my renewed love for Heroes Might and Magic III. Dumped my Ragnarok ages ago.
Last week of school, and the week before, is spent in the library. Firmly made up my mind and skipped all my modules and missed out all the semester-end pizzas, dragging along with me a reluctant 'to whom Patrick is attached' ;) Haha. Then I got 'to whom Patrick belongs' hooked to Heroes and Patrick's owner happily pull me along to the library next. Cozy :)
Had a fulfilling and happy day today. Purchased a bloated starfish to hug to sleep, crystals for my scratched Vaio :( and found the new Heroes V for 'whom Patrick is sticked with'. I bought a cute piggy watch for Spongebob's best friend and he choose it himself, that's the main thing. That's so not him. Haha, but nevertheless...
Tomorrow tumbling again. Whee. I'm excited.

Labels: happy, random

Lord, protect our doubts. It is Doubt that makes us grow because it forces us to look fearlessly at the many answers that exist to one question. And in order for this to be possible…
Lord, protect our decisions. Give us the courage, after our doubts, to be able to choose between one road and another. May our YES always be a YES and our NO always be a NO. Once we have chosen our road, may we never look back nor allow our soul to be eaten away by remorse. And in order for this to be possible…
Lord, protect our actions. May our daily bread be the result of the very best that we carry within us. May we, through work and Action, share a little of the love we receive. And in order for this to be possible…
Lord, protect our dreams. Make sure that, regardless of our age or our circumstances, we are capable of keeping alight in our heart the sacred flame of hope and perseverance. And in order for this to be possible…
Lord, give us enthusiasm. It is what binds us to the Heavens and to Earth, to grown-ups and to children, it is what tells us that our desires are important and deserve our best efforts. It is Enthusiasm that reaffirms to us that everything is possible, as long as we are totally committed to what we are doing. And in order for this to be possible…
Lord, protect us, because Life is the only way we have of making manifest Your miracle. May the earth continue to transform seeds into wheat, may we continue to transmute wheat into bread. And this is only possible if we have Love; therefore, do not leave us in solitude. Always give us Your company, and the company of men and women who have doubts, who act and dream and feel enthusiasm, and who live each day as if it were totally dedicated to Your glory.
Amen.

Labels: determine, God

I can remember the presence, the soft rustling of the air stirred by more than air-con, the tears, the heart-felt cry, hands reaching out to far beyond. Seeking and calling.....

I dun dare take on the weight-measuring scale. At the rate I'm going, I got to increase my intake of potatoes. Hahaha. Anyway, I totally screwed up my dance in front of my bro. He looked kind of skeptical. =( Got kind of messy and jittery. And it's just my BROTHER, not anybody else. Shyt. Not that I see myself doing any much better alone in front of those reflective windows. Sigh. I'll be back and better though.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I shall not be afraid of doing my best. =)

Labels: determine, God

This post is the 100th post! And it's National Day. And Sakae Sushi is offering red plates at $4.20. Wohooo` this is madness.
I'm aching so badly. I think it's the dance alone. Haha. Dance and dance and dance non-stop. But I like =D I really need a full-length mirror to prac in front of, I'm lousy haha.
It's quite a sickly week for me. But inspiration comes best when I'm sick and it's the time of the month, I dunno why. Been doing the Rexaz's blog for the past days. Hole up in the school library cause I ponteng. I thought I did rather well but the king expects more. Hurhur. I thought it's a breakthrough in the last template what with new photoshopping skills. But there's more. Life should never have a limit. And I'm still down with bad flu, fever and headache. Better continue work before my creative juices stop flowing or mucus. Ew. Haha.

Labels: cheer

I was reading Paulo Coelho's blog. If you dun know, he's the writer of The Alchemist, one of his most famous books. He's a great writer and one thing I really like about his blog, not only the things that he wrote, but also because he updates often. Haha. So anyway, I came upon this:
"When Father Antonio was asked if the road of sacrifice led to heaven, he replied:
‘There are two roads of sacrifice. The first is that taken by the man who mortifies his flesh and does penance because he believes that we are all damned. This man feels guilty and judges himself unworthy to be happy. He will get nowhere, because God does not live in guilt. The second is that taken by the man who, knowing that the world is not as perfect as we would all like, nevertheless prays, does penance and gives his time and labour to improving his surroundings. He understands that the word “sacrifice” comes from “sacro oficio” - holy work or service. The Divine Presence helps him all the time and he will be rewarded in Heaven.’ "

I really liked that. No1's perfect eh, we all know that. But nevertheless, it's hard to love people sometimes. It's really obvious knowing who truly cares and thinks about you, really love you and be bothered about what's going on in your life. And it gets all bad when people try to do all the above because they HAVE to, because they're SUPPOSED to. It's really obvious. And all the more hard to love, harder than those who hates you outright. You know, it's alright if you're trying to know some1 better but with genuine sincerity of wanting to be a part of his/her life. Not because you are ask too. Like reaching out. You could as well be a salesman with a quota, no? Hmmm...that's for me and you and to work on. =) Everything you you do, do it joyfully. Your sacrifice is a divine work, moving in the realm up high and you might not see it, but in time to come, you will get your harvest.

Labels: God, motivated

I did a purge on my room yesterday. I can't stand the stuffiness and cluttering. And so I spent away most of my afternoon packing and throwing stuffs. It was rather bad, all the dust, itchy hands and nose. But the job was done and good too. I feel satisfied. =) And later, service at Indoor Stadium, FOP.
I was guarding a busy gate. And I do until I cant bring myself to smile. It was good at first, through all the shouting and squeezing at the gates, trying to block people gate-crashing into the zone etc. The anti-climax came when someone forced open the gate with one of my hand still placed on the gate. Caught in-between a very solid wall and the hinge. My eyes watered and I mutter to myself for a few minutes. I must seem quite mad. haha. I lost my patience with the congregation then, can't smile to show my teeth for nuts. Boo` So anyways, that's that.
And then I was walking home alone after service, and it gives me time to think and be emotional as I intended. I didn't know how I get out of there, I just walked and end up at an empty bus stop, hopped onto bus 16 comfortably, no squeeze. From yesterday, I just realised how dependent I am on my elder brother. It's like he's my crux in the cellgroup and a very big church. Yes, I know. I know God should be the pillar of it all, the reason why I'm still here and attending church etc. I know. But, how can I explain? I feel so lost and empty without him, together with me. I guess inside me, deep down, I'm afraid of people forgetting me and leaving me behind. Throughout all my life, from young, I just could not overcome this fear. And so, I guess that no matter what, he's truly the one I can trust, without worrying him abandoning me, or forgetting me. I can trust on him that he will remember me in a big church as someone that's part of his life and very loved and important to him. I can't help but feel that now, I'm just a little girl, nearly invisible, practically ignored serving in a big big place, ready to be swallowed up into the midst of the congregation. If not for attendance sake, would there be people knocking into my life? Would they really bother? Is this how my brother feels? I dunno. But I feel so different now. Past few weeks, I've been going home alone, straight after services. No1 called to ask if I'm joining them. Maybe you think, I should be the one stepping out and calling them. But I can't. I'm sorry but I just do not dare, I do not have the boldness. I feel like an intruder, not part of them. I see the cell growing smaller and smaller ever since the day my brother brought me along. I remember the people's faces, especially those who left, to other cells or not to any. And I wonder why? And I know I played a part in everyone life, to help them stay or leave. Just like now, like myself, either helping me make it or break it. It's stupid to say or even think, 'what if, back then...' But I do think about it. I wonder, have they noticed? with my brother not there, would they give a thought? and be worried? not just for him. Life's filled with regrets and everyone is inter-dependent on each other, no?
Maybe I'm being childish. And selfish. Maybe I should stop this. It's so not a right thing to say isn't it? So incorrect, politically. Ha. Arh, wells. I'm gladly going out to meet Vann and get Alvin Sng's pressie.

Labels: deep thoughts, disappointed, E269, God

Went Sentosa today. Goodness knows how long since I went there. And it didn't rain! I mean, it did at first, earlier in the morning, but it cleared up nearing noon and there's sun! Whee....Fun, fun. RP4C. Yeah. =) Now Imma lobster. Quite badly burned but I liked hahahaha. And best! All of us didn't bring a camera. Hahaaaa.. so these the few in my handphone:

The end.

Labels: happy

*edited.

Some old shit I can't help but throw out, after....let's assume. Rash words and actions. Favouritism and biasness, fed up and pissed by it all. Maybe I'm petty or just selfish, but when am I spared a first thought for? My world is changed and memory stained, by words indelible, though a long time ago, asking 'why can't you be like her? Like a princess. Like all the people say.' But I'm never one in your own eyes, in the very first place. Assured myself, time and again,
it's a thing of the past. But never suceeding before being torn open again.

Less obvious?? Now, move on.

Labels: cheer, rants