Monday, October 29, 2007
Pretty girl, who is to blame.
Frightened girl, they don’t know her name.
Saddened girl, who cries at night.
Distant girl, who’s out of sight.
Psycho girl, with scars on her wrists.
Fairytale girl, who don’t exist.
Silent girl, without a name.
Ignored girl, who’s filled with shame.
Faking girl, with plastic smiles.
Crying girl, tears and aches.
Pretty girl, don't give up now.
I walked away.
And you walked away.
I walked alone.
And you say nothing.
I pushed away.
And you let it be.
I pushed back everything, just so to be with you.
Whoever says I ain't tired, I ain't sick and I ain't feeling pain?
Yet you dun even think to wait an extra 4 minutes plus 6.
Labels: disappointed, emo-ing
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Hoho. Yeah...I created a new blogskin myself, like after so long. I'd been lazy. Thanks to the super boring and tedious module- Production Practicum, which I so hate, I renewed a long lost hobby. Ironic.
Past week, yesterday and today had, have and will be having trainings and more traings to come. I skipped character design class today again. With a whole bunch of tired people. But strangely, haha, we are still quite active enough. Maybe it's just the brain that can't function. Anyway, we're all rushing our PP. Submission is due on 31st Oct- like a few days more!? Now, what am I doing then? Hmrph! Ya, I'd been lazy.
Labels: random
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I'm in a freaking bad mood. My laptop dropped onto pebbled concrete floor and one of the corners chipped off. So there's dents at the side and you can see the insides. Dun tell me it's my fault. I want to be unreasonable. Arh! Shyt la!
Labels: rants
Sunday, October 21, 2007
What a wild week I have. Sigh. I can't stop my over-active imagination and I can't help thinking about random stuffs. Then I just cry for every single little random thing. And after that, I forgot all about it and start getting noisy and irritating again.
Maybe its all the stress- or maybe it's just my wild imagination, but anyway, I'm so exhausted. I fell asleep almost immediately
everytime I turn off the lights and climb into my bed.
Above all my muscle aches, that big vein in the joint area, my right arm seems to have swell up. It's painful to move or stretch, or press.
Arh wells.
Yesterday, during service, got bombarded by ushers. It was quite hurting. I guess because they recognized that I was an usher, though they probably didn't realise I have left, they came up to me and inquired about all those empty seats- in a rather rude way. Imagine, you worshipping God and someone pulled at your arm from behind and forced you to turn around. It's not a tap which I could have pardon. Countless times I repeated, my friend just went out of the hall to bring her friends in. I know at this time, reserved seats have to be given up but dun they understand. I'm not the
cellgroup leader and I can't just say okay, take the seats. But it's like my fault. Most hurting of all is when Lawrence came up my ear and shouted, dun be so naughty
hor. Maybe he didn't meant to shout, but I dunno what he meant by that. So I cried throughout the rest of the songs and
announcements. How shitty is that. There's probably nothing to cry about to you but I dunno how to explain. I just got over the whole load of lost and confused feelings, all those major decisions and backsliding stuffs and they are loading my mind with explosives again. All those pushing and pulling. I want to be left alone.
I rather emotionally unstable at this moment. Can I be left in peace, just contented with
cheerleading, loving people and friends, helping my
cgl and members as best as I can, sowing into
lives. Can I serve God this way?
Until I know it's time to move on again. I have made my decision.
Labels: deep thoughts, feeling down, God, tired
Saturday, October 20, 2007
I'msofreakingtired.Iwokeup1hourlateat7amandwas30mintueslateforschool.Seriously,the thoughtofskippingclassstrayacrossmymindsomanytimes.Butinthestateofsubconsciousness,IrememberedIhaveatestlatertodayanddragmyselfonthelongjourneytoschool.I'msupposetobeonatightbudgetbutI'vebeencabbinghomefromschoolforthelasttwotrainings.IdunnohowamIgonnasurvivethroughthenext6month,whatwithbuildingfundandrexazfundandwhasoeverfundfundandnationals.Grillingsaremoretaxingthantrainings,Inearlyfallasleepwhileeatinglomaikaidurigbreakout.
But I'm not giving up! I'm gonna defy my weight. I gonna lock harder. I gotta have a spirit of excellence. I can dance. I will tumble. I'm not afraid of falling. I'm not afriad of failing. I will not fall. I will not fail. I will think before I stunt. I need not be reminded. It will be inscribe into my heart. I will not be pull down by negative remarks. I will defy my weight. I will improve myself continuously. I'm not gonna be stagnant. I gotta move on. I gotta get up fast. I can fly. I can lock. I can do whatever withink the realm of my imagination. I will visualize. I have visualized.
Labels: cheer, tired
Friday, October 19, 2007
She was out in the sea, being tossed to and fro.
The night was so black, she had no where to go.
Storms all around her, the waves raging so high.
Her strength was all gone, she feel like its her time.
What to say to eyes that weep,
eyes with tears that cannot keep?
Eyes that find no rest in sleep,
what to say to eyes that weep?
I shan't say, "Cheer up, my friend,
Don't you know that this will end?
Hope is just around the bend,
Life is great! ~ Cheer up, my friend."
I shan't not say, "You're right to cry,
Life is cruel, no use to try,
Just give up, curse God and die,
All is vain ~ You're right to cry."
For say no words to weeping eyes,
Don't concur or criticize,
Grieve with them till sorrow dies,
Christ Himself shared weeping eyes.
I might not understand the pain,
you might not know how to share the hurt.
But do you see the love in His eyes?
He's reaching out his hand.
"Child take ahold, put your trust in me.
I'll bring peace to your soul and
if the storms in your life seem more than you can bare,
just reach out to me."
Jesus is the ONE who cares.
Dun give up. There's something more and bigger up ahead.
Go on Dine..
Monday, October 15, 2007
I got dry grass and weeds for hair now. I spent my free time time plucking out all the frizzy ones.
Sadded. And I got multitudes of colour
highlighted in my hair. The red faded off to pink and orange or brown, or like
grayish pink (
ew) all in one streak. I dunno whether I should be glad or what, I look less '
lian' and outstanding though. Blah.
I just installed the whole load of adobe stuff (which I'm so deprived off the past week. Imagine designing poster and website with powerpoint and words -.-) into my newly formatted laptop. Yeah, my whole computer crashed, cant even start up. So I sent it to the school hospital and it spent the whole day there while I draw
continuously in class- colouring the whole page to distract myself cause there's nothing to do w/o a laptop in RP, what's more in the slackest module. And as a result, I got A for the day.
lol. Like
wth.
So anyway, I say
bb to the problematic vista and welcome
xp with a whole load of space. Now I can install all the games and programmes I want, d/l all the music I like which I was denied of because of limited space previously.
Hahaha. So I'm happy though I cried a little
cuz I lost ALL my photos of April from baby till now =( ow that's the saddest. I can't recover any of it. And I'm still feeling upset. Plus my PP which has a 600 words already is gone! And I'm too lazy now to redo it. Sigh.
And it feel so good to OWN something, something you can call your own.
This whole post is
erratic and random, I dun even understand what am I writing.
lala.
Labels: random
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
It isn't fair. I didn't want to be this thin.
I didn't ask to be skinny.
And it wasn't for lack of trying.
"I don't need her, she got no use"
"I also don't want her"
It isn't my fault. I tried and still try,
but I'm still this way.
How fair is that?
I know I'm too light for you guys,
but there isn't a need to put it this way.
One time to many,
I can't take it.
Labels: cheer, disappointed
Monday, October 08, 2007
Right, to make up for the lack of post, here's another story churn out, largely by Jamie, during the story writing module:
Once upon a time, in the land of Fairy tales, there lived a professional Fairy Godmother, whose name was Fella-farez. She was the highest paid Fairy Godmother in all the land, especially after dealing with one of her famous clients, Cinderella.
Now, Fella was not always rich, she started out handing dreams out to the little kids of the real world. She was posted to this department because the Great One decided that she had a skewed perspective of what was right and wrong, and she was a little silly and reckless, or so He thought. This is her success story.
Fella was handing out dreams as usual, and she was extra careful not to mix the nasty ones with the good ones by accident. Fella is rather careless and clumsy for a 600 year old fairy Godmother, and she has turned a little senile.
*beep* her otherworldly handphone started ringing. It was a new one she got from the real world, a spanking new, shiny ‘Knowkia’ phone that she was supposed to have. It had distress detectors installed in it too.
It was a distress signal coming from a small town in Paris. It was her new charge, Cindy-rella. Or was it Cinderella? She gave her wand a swish and a flick, and appeared in a dark dank closet filled with mouldy trench coats and socks.
The damp noxious smell made her choke. It was then Fella noticed sobbing, coming from the corner of the closet.
“who….who are you?” The voice cracked.
She strained her eyes to see, but she could only make out a mop of tangled unruly hair. “I’m Fella-Farez, your professional fairy Godmother at your service. How may I help?” said she.
The voice broke down into violent sobs as the voice told Fella about how Father had hit him and smashed his precious trinket boxes.
Fella found this rather odd, so she said. “Excuse me, I do believe I’ve gotten the wrong person.”
“Have you, by any chance heard of a GIRL called Cinderella?”
He stopped sobbing, and stood up. “Why, I’M Cinderella!”he said.
Fella gasped. Goodness gracious. It was a young boy. Skinny and tall, he had dark rivulets of smudged mascara streaming like tears from his eyes, and his wig askew, perched ridiculously on his head, looking for all the world like a dead animal. She looked closely at his face, and saw that he had rouge slapped on his face, like a clown, and powder lines where his face had cracked into a panic stricken expression.
The Boy was wearing a lacy black bra, stuffed with goose down to give him a womanly shape, and frilly black knickers. He clasped his hands to his bosom and pleaded in a frantic voice. The boy’s masculine voice betrayed the paint and powder which had so skillfully concealed his identity.
He told the patient Fella about how he had to live with the feeling of being trapped all his life, and about how his real parents had sold him off to Father, the local brothel owner so that they could pay off their debts. He lived under the tyranny of Father, and his two step ‘sisters’, Anadora and Arabella, who were identical twins, and Father’s highest earning whores.
He was meant to be a fancy-dressed gentleman for lonely women who needed male company. But Cinderricky (his real name) found the touch of a woman repulsive, and he dreaded every minute spent with them.
He found solace in stealing little trinkets and powder boxes from their rooms, and when he was safely back at the brothel, he would silently lock the door and pull out his taffeta dresses and stockings, reveling in their softness. He would wear those wonderful things, and prance around his room in a dizzy whirl of ecstasy. But these magical hours would draw to an end when he heard the clang of the great grandfather clock in the hall. It signaled the arrival of Father, that great drunk brute of a man who would surely ravage him when he came home.
Oh how he hated Father. Cinderricky loved men, but he hated that stupid brute. Father was always drunk, and he stank of alcohol. He hated his touch, and he hated the way he would laugh after stripping him of his dignity.
Cinderricky was upset, because he was planning to save himself for the Prince Pareese. He was a fine and gentle soul. Cinderricky remembered when he first laid eyes on him at a party in his grand palace. It was love at first sight.
The last he ever heard of his prince was when he overheard his sisters talking about the grand ball he was having, to select a fair maiden as his bride. He knew his heart would find no peace if he did not attend the ball.
So, silently, after dropping off Madame Marche at her doorstep, he hurriedly rushed home and got dressed for a splendid night at the ball. He started humming a tune, oblivious to Father’s presence outside his door. Father sneaked in silently, and when he saw that the boy had transformed, he was incensed beyond words. Dashing his pearls to the floor, Father ripped his beautiful silk and taffeta dresses to shreds. After beating him black and blue, Cinderricky was thrown into his closet.
Fella-Farez, being the kindhearted woman that she was, could not help but shed a few tears at his story, bizarre though it was. She felt that life had dealt this poor boy a cruel hand, and it was her duty to right that wrong.
With a swish and flick of her magic wand, she chanted the magic words. “Cinder-Ricky, you shall be no more, the world shall know you as Cinderella for ever more!” And whoosh! Cinderricky had transformed into a beautiful blonde girl.
“Oh my God! I have breasts! I finally have breasts!” He, or she as we now must call her, exclaimed in pure joy.
Her Fairy Godmother said “Now, Go my dear child, seduce the prince. Make him yours forever.”
Outside she found a splendid coach with two identical white mares. She got in and bid Fella farewell.
“Hmm.. “ she said to no one in particular. “ Im not being ungrateful or anything, but the inside of this coach absolutely reeks of alcohol.”
The end.
P.s I dun care if it impress you or not, I'm not a man-pleaser (other than trying to please the faci cause he's the one giving grades). You are obnoxious and made up of ego rather than a soul. Just because you are a few years more older than me and know the world 'better', that doesn't make you any mature or better than me.
And neither am I asking you to lower yourself to my standard of guys (since I'm so lowly btw that you have to 'lower' yourself). But look at yourself, I wouldn't even want you in the first place because your attitude and pride is terrible truely, among the least of things. You are one big MCP
.Labels: random
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
And so I got
RED highlights.
I did a catwalk.
I looked like a tranversite.
Now my eyes are swollen.
I got grey eyebags.
I look like the bride corspe.
And so I'm
addicted to online shopping.
I need $$$.
BF's coming.
I owe Rexaz 45 bucks.
Anyone wants to view my shopping cart.
Topshop accessories are on SALE.
Totally random.
I'm off to draw/drawl
Labels: random
