What a wild week I have. Sigh. I can't stop my over-active imagination and I can't help thinking about random stuffs. Then I just cry for every single little random thing. And after that, I forgot all about it and start getting noisy and irritating again.
Maybe its all the stress- or maybe it's just my wild imagination, but anyway, I'm so exhausted. I fell asleep almost immediately
everytime I turn off the lights and climb into my bed.
Above all my muscle aches, that big vein in the joint area, my right arm seems to have swell up. It's painful to move or stretch, or press.
Arh wells.
Yesterday, during service, got bombarded by ushers. It was quite hurting. I guess because they recognized that I was an usher, though they probably didn't realise I have left, they came up to me and inquired about all those empty seats- in a rather rude way. Imagine, you worshipping God and someone pulled at your arm from behind and forced you to turn around. It's not a tap which I could have pardon. Countless times I repeated, my friend just went out of the hall to bring her friends in. I know at this time, reserved seats have to be given up but dun they understand. I'm not the
cellgroup leader and I can't just say okay, take the seats. But it's like my fault. Most hurting of all is when Lawrence came up my ear and shouted, dun be so naughty
hor. Maybe he didn't meant to shout, but I dunno what he meant by that. So I cried throughout the rest of the songs and
announcements. How shitty is that. There's probably nothing to cry about to you but I dunno how to explain. I just got over the whole load of lost and confused feelings, all those major decisions and backsliding stuffs and they are loading my mind with explosives again. All those pushing and pulling. I want to be left alone.
I rather emotionally unstable at this moment. Can I be left in peace, just contented with
cheerleading, loving people and friends, helping my
cgl and members as best as I can, sowing into
lives. Can I serve God this way?
Until I know it's time to move on again. I have made my decision.
Labels: deep thoughts, feeling down, God, tired