Finding a job is hard.
Getting my dream job is even further away.
What's gonna happen...

Labels: stressed

My life is not based on my blog or my life as what you see. Those happy moments or sad moments, greatly censored, or just a moment of emo-ing is just but a part of my whole life. It's just probably fragments of leaves on a tree. There's so much more in me, a complication of feelings and emotions, of thoughts that comes and goes, buried away until some forgotten time. Who knows and sees and feel or tries to discern the whole me, branches and trunk and roots....I had this diary, not a single other soul had read it. Not an online journal, but a paper-back book. Where I write down all the saddest, most down moments of my life. It's the kind of moments, when I'm sobbing so hard, face scrunched up so hard I can barely see, blurred by a wall of tears. And my hand shook as I wrote a cascade of feelings. It's those kind of moments when I'm seemly at a breaking point and I can't think, I can't talk, not even to God, to tell Him how I feel, cause it's just sobs. So I write, to siphon off these hurts and this book, is a book of letters to God. Just like God send his angels to collect my tears, which is precious to Him, I record and collect this memories and feelings in hope that one day when His Son returns, I can bring the book to Him, and ask Him, to heal me of these scars. Those saddest moments, I shared alone, with my angel by my side.

Labels: feeling down, God

Not updating as often now. FYP's over. But now another thing that's preoccupying me is my CE points and trainings, trainings, trainings.
Arh wells, I'm sort of prepared to pay another sem fees and graduate next year instead. But I'll still try to complete my points by June so I can join SIA. Next Saturday there's a walk-in interview but there's also FYP oral defence. Gosh, I realise how things always crop out at the wrong timing. Perhaps one thing leads to another, starting from my procrastination and the devil tries to add some salt -.- But I shall not missed this interview because I missed one last November already.
Sigh.....I'm still a long way from official adulthood man, erm quite long la, but it seems like the world of my parents, the adults namely, are catching up with me. Here I am worrying about my future. No more schooling and hello to working life. And what if I failed to get to SIA, what's my plan B? I seriously have no idea. Argh! Fan Naos!
And there's trainings too.....from February it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday. Oh my tiannnn.......I should kiss my April and thank God I still have Fridays free for cellgroup. Not really a dilemma unlike last year, trying to avoid being shoot by both sides. So I can just focus, one thing at a time. I feel so old......................................

Labels: stressed

I'm gonna post some pictures of happenings during the December month that I didn't blog about. Those little things that spice up my mundane holidays as I've said for the umpteen time.

Hahaha. Eh meant to put a last picture of myself, but have none. See, I'm too focus on FYP. Thus, ended.

Labels: Christmas, holiday, random

It's a new year! But I still seems to be living in 2008. It's probably the weird poly schedule. I'm still a year 3 student, in the midst of the 2nd semester. Anyway, I'm not updating often because I really have nothing to post. Everyday is just FYP and editing. It's like the constant thing on my mind, I didn't really take a breather and enjoy the celebrations. But still there's small little things that add some life into my mundane December.

So since it's new year, everyone sure have new year resolutions and wishes and a thank you post for times in 2008. I shall have one too.

Oh gosh, this is hard to write, I backspaced entire paragraphs 2 times already. Argh. Ok Okay, one more time..

1. I love my family because it's my family. You have to be me to know why. How can words describe my family right? 19 years of my life man.
2. I love my fat, mildly obese Iggy. He's flabby, bouncy tummy, small eyes, flat nose, pock face, not the best attractive, kissable lips. Haha. He's my hamster! I mentioned once I want to have 2 dogs, 1 cat, and a few hamsters in my house next time. But after much consideration, I think I do not need hamsters, I have one right now, a huge one! Much as horrible looking I make him sound, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder okay. I love everything about him. I must be the most meanest, fussy, irritating, whiny, abusive, selfish, childish girlfriend ever. But he's ever so sweet and patient. I love you! ^^
3. Okay talking about fat hamster, I love April too though she's like me, irritating, whiny and abusive. Hahaha. Snuggles.
4. I love my cellgroup, weirdest and funny bunch of people. They are indescribable. Well, you have to be me to know why too. 4 years of my life, the 2nd longest amount of time I spent with a group of people. Some of them have seen me through my good times and bad times, listened to my screwed up stories =) Each and everyone of us has certain irritating flaws that can get us pissed off at times but well, the love of God is always stronger.
5. I thank God for my FYP teammates too. Just like the saying goes, your future spouse will make your life on earth either heaven or hell, I think so goes for FYP teammates too, for this period of time. I may grumble about doing FYP everyday, but then if not for them, it's probably much worst. Some of them might pissed me off at times, but they're really fun people too be with too. Today is the last day of FYP editing btw. Monday's submission! Woots!
6. I love Rexaz too. A kaleidoscope of feelings, but what it has given me..how could I not appreciate. It shaped my life in a way. Looking at the big picture, I think it's all meant to be. God ways are above all my ways, He sees and plans things in a bigger picture.

Okay, this is too long. I shall post my resolutions another day.

Labels: God, memories, New Year